On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
