for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
