your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
