Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
