He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
