I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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