Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
