After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
