So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
