I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
