I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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