why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
