Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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