I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
