Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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