he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
