My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
