"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
