So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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