I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
