Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
