Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
