Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
