before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
