best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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