dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
