he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
