You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
