Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
