sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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