non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
