anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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