how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
so much tequila, so little girl.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
