If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
