i'm signing you up for texting rehab
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
