This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
