I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
