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So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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