she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
