Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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