so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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