I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
