Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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