and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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