New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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