I want to have your abortion
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
