I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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