I'm lost and stupid without you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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