lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
