Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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