HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
