oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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