They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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