we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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